No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
