Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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