I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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