yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
