i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
