there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
