I CAN MOONWALK!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
