marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
