btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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