i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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