I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
