I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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