why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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