I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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