Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
