Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
