Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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