I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
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