I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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