Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
