Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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