So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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