I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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