There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
