he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
