Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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