Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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