You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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