Where did you get a picture of my penis
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
