whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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