I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
