You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
