did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
