he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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