Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
