So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
