my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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