just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
