bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
