maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
