it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
