pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
