I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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