Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I came so hard my ears popped.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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