I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
