Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
