I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
