the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
