ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
