listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
