You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
