She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
