i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
