Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
