Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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