Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
