he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
