you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
