I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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