Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
