R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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