I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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