Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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