the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
