I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
