took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
