i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
