I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm bleeding and have questions
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize