We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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