I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the liver wants what the liver wants
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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