Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
