I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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