I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
