she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize