My first STD was from a foam party
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
